burnout

When being the person who handles everything becomes too much…

You wake up thinking about your four page to-do list and feel exhausted before your feet touch the floor.  Unanswered emails are taking up real estate in your head, and you’re trying to figure out how you can schedule your youngest child’s pediatrician appointment, your follow-up dental, and the meeting that your oldest’s child’s teacher requested last week — all before meeting your boss for lunch.  And why does it feel like there’s another meeting you’re missing (and how many scheduling apps can one person reasonably manage?)?

You’re also out of clean socks.  

As you contemplate whether there’s time to make coffee — and briefly consider whether you could treat yourself to a latte (does that count as self care?) — you reflexively admonish yourself for your timid but persistent secret wish that there was more time for you — time for rest.  Time to just move more slowly through your day.  To have a warm cup of coffee in a seated and comfortable position.  

The day has barely started, and you’re already feeling behind.  

But you're the person everyone relies on. You're responsible, thoughtful, driven, and good at anticipating what needs to happen next.

You've built a life around being capable.  So why are you feeling so deflated?  So incapable?  You’re exhausted and irritable.  Small requests feel overwhelming, and even when you have time to rest, you’re overwhelmed by the decision fatigue that comes with choosing how to spend your time.  So you keep moving.  Planning.  Organizing.  Doing.

At work, you're finding it harder to care about things that used to feel meaningful.

At home, you want to be patient and present, but most days, you just want everyone to stop needing something from you.  More and more, you notice a habit of keeping tabs on who's doing what, wishing someone would recognize what you need without having to ask (and feeling your resentment grow).  

And then your guilt enters the chat.  Because you’re grateful for the people in your life. You care about your work. You value your relationships.

So why does it all feel so hard?

You've Become Really Good at Pushing Through

You've spent years learning how to manage difficult things.  Your go-to when you feel overwhelmed?  Buckle down.  Just work harder.  You’re always reading the room, so anticipating problems before they happen comes naturally.  You put others’ needs first — You'll rest once things settle down.

No doubt these strategies have helped you accomplish a lot.  But what happens when the very things that helped you succeed are fueling your chronic fatigue?  

Here’s the thing:

You respond to feeling overwhelmed by trying to be more organized.

You respond to resentment by reminding yourself that other people have it harder than you — who are you to ask for more?

You respond to exhaustion by beating yourself up for not taking care of your body well enough.

And when none of that works, you start wondering what's wrong with you.

What if you don't need to try harder? What if you need to learn how to respond differently?

How Compassion Focused Therapy Can Help

Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) helps us understand why our minds respond the way they do, and how patterns that once helped us can sometimes keep us stuck.

We have emotional systems that help us recognize threats, pursue goals, and experience rest and connection.  When you're used to operating from a place of responsibility, productivity, or anticipating what might go wrong, slowing down can feel surprisingly difficult.  You might recognize that you need a break but feel guilty taking one.  You might know that your needs are important but worry about disappointing someone.  You might understand that you're being too hard on yourself but have no idea how to stop.

This is where compassion comes in, and compassion is so much more than kindness.  Compassion is having the courage to recognize when you're struggling and developing the wisdom to do something that genuinely helps.

In our work together, we'll explore the patterns that have helped you navigate life, while also recognizing when they may be contributing to burnout.

We'll practice noticing your needs without immediately dismissing them, responding to mistakes without harsh criticism, and finding the confidence to make changes even when they feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes compassion means resting.

Sometimes it means being curious.

Sometimes it means shifting patterns, having a difficult conversation, or recognizing that something in your life needs to change.

And sometimes it means acknowledging that you're carrying more than one person reasonably should.

What If Things Could Feel Different?

• What if you could finish your workday without spending the evening thinking about everything you didn't accomplish?

• What if you could enjoy time with those you love without feeling pulled toward the next responsibility?

• What if you could communicate what you need in your relationships without feeling selfish or demanding?

• What if you could begin to trust that you're doing enough, even when everything isn't done?

• What if you could recognize that your tricky brain is seeking safety, and compassion will help you find happiness?

If you’d like to learn more about how CFT could fit into your life, reach out to schedule a consultation. 

Not so you can become even better at managing everything, but so you can begin building a life that makes room for you, too.