Tips for Getting the Help You Need During Postpartum Recovery (and Beyond!)
“Let me know if you need anything.”
It’s a kind offer — but when you’re sleep-deprived, physically recovering, and emotionally stretched, figuring out what to ask for can feel impossible.
I encourage you to notice if you have a story about yourself that says that you are “bad at asking for help.” Many of us have a story like this one, and believing this story can make the task of asking for help even more difficult. I encourage you to accept that asking for help is challenging for most people, and that it can get easier with practice (and a few helpful tips—keep reading!).
Here are three things to consider that make asking for help a bit less daunting (and more likely to help you get what you need from your community):
1. Be Specific
General requests (“I could use some help”) often don’t result in you getting the actual help you need. Try asking for something concrete:
“We could really use some easy dinners this week — would you be up for dropping one off on Thursday?”
“Would you mind folding a load of laundry?”
“If you are headed to the store, could you pick up a prescription for me?”
Send a message like this one on a group text with friends/family who have offered to help: “Hi, all! Thanks for volunteering to be a part of my “Postpartum SOS” group! What would really help me this week is having the opportunity to take a stress-free shower and rest to reset. If you can spot me for 60-90 minutes this week, please respond with what day and time works for you. I would be so grateful to get a quick hug and slip away to reset and restore.”
2. Use Multiple Ways to Ask
Don’t wait for an in-person moment. Texts, group messages, or even a shared calendar can make it easier for others to step in. You can also ask a friend to organize a group text or a shared calendar for you (even better!). All of these ideas help take the pressure off you to organize things in the moment.
3. Name Emotional Support Needs, Too
While practical support can be such a relief, companionship, listening, and reassurance matter deeply in postpartum recovery. Here are some examples of specific requests:
“Would you sit with me while I feed the baby? I could really use the company.”
“Can we talk about something non-baby-realted for a few minutes? I need a reset!”
“Could you check in with me tomorrow morning? Mornings have been rough this week, and I think I could use the connection and encouragement.”
“Can we vent together for a few minutes about the unexpected hard parts of postpartum that people often don’t say out loud? I don’t need help problem solving; I just need to talk to someone who knows how hard the early days of parenting can be.”
Why This Matters
The postpartum stretch is a mix of joy, exhaustion, vulnerability, and adjustment. Accepting help doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re honoring the truth that humans are meant to parent in community. Bonus: if you are asking for help from your community, you are modeling a behavior that may help clear the way for others to do the same.
Your baby will benefit from being mothered by someone who is being cared for, too.
And you were never meant to do this alone.
FACTS! 😉🩵🧡💛
— Dr. Sara Nett
Clinical Psychologist and Maternal Mental Health Specialist
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