My Journey with Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT): A Practitioner’s Reflection (Or: Why I love CFT)

My journey with Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) began when I noticed something striking: many of my clients—through their words or behaviors—were naming shame as a central source of their suffering. Shame is not a small matter; it is one of the most painful emotions humans experience, often linked with self-criticism, isolation, and struggles in relationships (Gilbert, 2010). As someone deeply committed to lifelong learning, I began searching for approaches that could speak directly to this struggle. That search led me to CFT.

At first, I knew little about the model, but I was immediately intrigued by its bold premise: compassion is not just a nice idea—it is a skill that can be deliberately cultivated (Gilbert, 2009). I immersed myself in reading, attended trainings and group supervisions through the Compassionate Mind Foundation, and even had the remarkable opportunity to work directly with Paul Gilbert, CFT’s founder, on a case consultation. The experience was transformative. Over time, I’ve seen the impact of CFT ripple outward—shaping not only my clients’ healing journeys but also my own way of relating to myself and others.

Here are three reasons I love CFT as a therapist:

Compassion Is a Trainable Skill

In CFT, compassion is defined as “a sensitivity to suffering in self and others with a commitment to try to alleviate and prevent it” (Gilbert, 2010, p. 1). That definition matters because it frames compassion as active, intentional, and learnable. We don’t need to wait for compassion to appear spontaneously—CFT shows us how to build it.

Why don’t we always default to compassion? Evolution gave us brains wired for survival, which means we’re primed to notice threats and compete for resources (Gilbert, 2009). But the good news is that we can train our minds to activate a different system—one rooted in caregiving and affiliation. Through practices like imagery, soothing rhythm breathing, and compassionate self-talk, clients learn to shift from threat-based reactions to a more balanced and supportive mindset (Gilbert & Procter, 2006). And research consistently shows that compassion-focused practices reduce shame and self-criticism while improving emotional regulation and resilience (Kirby et al., 2017; Craig et al., 2020).

The Flows of Compassion

A central tenet of CFT is the concept of the “three flows” of compassion: giving compassion to others, receiving compassion from others, and directing compassion toward the self (Gilbert, 2014). The balance between these flows tells us a lot about where suffering resides.

I’ve noticed in both my clients and myself that self-compassion often unlocks compassion for others. For example, after a social interaction where an individual might be left feeling insecure, their immediate reaction might be to criticize themself. But instead of spiraling into shame, CFT would help the individual pause and engage with their distress with compassionate curiosity. They might realize that they were tired, a human being that shows up imperfectly from time to time, and perhaps the topic of conversation left them feeling vulnerable. From there, it would be easier to extend that same compassionate perspective to others in future situations.

This shift captures what the research shows: cultivating self-compassion reduces defensiveness, increases empathy, and strengthens relationships (Gilbert, 2014; Kirby et al., 2017). By attending to all three flows, CFT provides a roadmap for transforming not only the way we relate to ourselves but also the way we connect with others.

Compassion Can Be Playful

When people hear the word compassion, they often imagine seriousness or even heaviness. But in my experience, compassion can also be energizing, creative, and yes—fun. To be compassionate is to be curious and open, approaching life with the same sense of wonder we often associate with childhood.

In CFT, this playful quality emerges when clients step out of the threat system—characterized by anxiety, anger, or avoidance—and into the compassionate system. From this place, they engage with their struggles not with shame or resistance, but with courage, care, and flexibility. Research shows that this shift reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety while increasing psychological flexibility (Leaviss & Uttley, 2015; Craig et al., 2020). And in the therapy room, I’ve seen clients surprise themselves: instead of dreading their painful emotions, they begin to approach them as opportunities to practice wisdom, curiosity, and courage.

Closing Reflection
CFT reminds us that compassion is not a rare trait reserved for a few but a skill anyone can grow. In my clients and in myself, I’ve seen how cultivating compassion transforms shame into courage, isolation into connection, and fear into care. And that transformation, in my view, is at the heart of living a full and authentic life.

References

• Craig, C., Hiskey, S., & Spector, A. (2020). Compassion focused therapy: A systematic review of its effectiveness and acceptability in clinical populations. International Journal of Cognitive Therapy, 13(3), 223–249.

• Gilbert, P. (2009). The compassionate mind: A new approach to life’s challenges. New Harbinger.

• Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion focused therapy: Distinctive features. Routledge.

• Gilbert, P. (2014). The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 53(1), 6–41.

• Gilbert, P., & Procter, S. (2006). Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self‐criticism: Overview and pilot study of a group therapy approach. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 13(6), 353–379.

• Kirby, J. N., Tellegen, C. L., & Steindl, S. R. (2017). A meta-analysis of compassion-based interventions: Current state of knowledge and future directions. Behavior Therapy, 48(6), 778–792.

• Leaviss, J., & Uttley, L. (2015). Psychotherapeutic benefits of compassion-focused therapy: An early systematic review. Psychological Medicine, 45(5), 927–945.